How will we know when we’ve reached that point of “enough”?
And what does it say about us if all we want to do is reach some bar and have that be it?
The “minimum viable product” as we say a lot in the corporate business world. A transaction. Some delivery. Some moment when we can pat ourselves on the back and say, “congrats, you’ve done enough”.
What is our due diligence here? What bars are we working to break to get to where we actually need to be? I think one of the most frightening aspects of the current movement is that there is no going back, only forward, and we have no maps or guides to lead our way.
First of all, let’s not settle. Let’s not sell ourselves and our momentum short by thinking there’s some rung on this ladder that’ll tell us we can stop, that we’ve gone far enough. Isn’t it more exciting to imagine that the possibilities are endless? Isn’t it more invigorating to know that we have the agency to bring to life the things we want to see? I guess it can be an inspiring thought, if we trust ourselves enough to take the reins as needed and direct ourselves where we’re most needed to go.
I think about this idea of enoughness a lot actually, mostly in the context of myself I’ll admit. As I consider whether I’m enough, whether I’m doing enough, whether I’ve done enough as I’m always pushing ahead. It’s important to keep moving, to pause and take care as needed, but in some way my subconscious feelings of “less than” have always kept me reaching higher — so perhaps that enoughness is what I need as a concept to push me to be “better”, whatever that might mean.
I’m coming back to this draft that I started a few days ago with a new question — “Can where you are right now be enough?” A question that came up after a group meditation a few moments ago, where the facilitator asked us to notice how we were, in our bodies, in our rooms, and ask if where we were right then, in that moment, was enough.
In the true spirit of a post I wrote a while ago about coming back to things several times before I actually share them out, here I am, once again, revisiting this writing with the urge to write and share something with the hope that in this moment, this time, I’ll actually get it out.
And it’s this question of enoughness perhaps that has blocked me on completing this thought and getting out what I feel I need to say. I wonder if my words in this space are “enough”. Enough for what you might ask, I don’t know. When it comes to my writing, my dancing, my tarot reading, and other pursuits, I’ve been wondering recently, do I have enough energy to give this thing? Do I have enough time? Do I have enough material and non-material resources to make this thing happen, to bring this thing to life, without depleting myself in the process?
But are these the right questions to be asking? Is there a such thing as a “right” question at all?
I feel like I’m derailing once again, but this is me convincing myself that whatever my mind is chattering about and whatever I feel is important to say right now is enough.
Maybe the concept of enough is an example of one of the many limitations of our language and of our understandings of what it means to have goals and purpose within our lives. We are trained to think in milestones, achievable steps, and this is important — I’m noticing that for myself I can get dreamy to the point where it’s hard to actually understand how to reach what I’m looking for. So having goals and steps is important to conceptualize, quantify, and create an idea of what it means for you to reach a certain goal, but maybe it’s also useful to consider that there is more for you beyond what you initially perceive as enough.
My thoughts are spreading everywhere, so I’ll go back to the quote from before that asks, “Can where you are, right now, be enough?” Can you rest today, right now, trusting that you’ve done all that you need to do? From moment to moment can you care for yourself without conditions? As I come up with questions to invite you to imagine scenarios of self care without first meeting a bar (can you take a nap without finishing that email first? can you go for a walk without forcing yourself to make that call you’ve been putting off? can you prep for that meeting you have tomorrow after you make space to meditate, reflect, and rest first?), I can’t help but answer for you and say “no”. But I know that there is a world in which you can make the care for yourself and those around you a top priority over the timelines imposed on us that tell us otherwise, but my “no” is a reflection of the fact that I struggle to find space to do this myself. I’m always in a rush to achieve as I mentioned, and more and more I’m asking myself who I’m actually achieving for. Yes, we all have responsibilities and obligations to people and timelines and things outside of myself, but maybe the straws that I’m grasping at are hopeful that there’s a world in which every day I can operate from a space where caring for my wellbeing is enough, it feels like enough, and I can check the boxes of my task list from there.
If you’re with me still, is where you are right now enough? From where I’m sitting, rambling in the written form while I wait for my laundry to finish, I think that where I am is enough for right now. And it’s only when I get too caught up in my obligations for the future that I begin to think otherwise. Maybe part of it is trusting that the things that need to be done will get done when it’s time for them to be marked off the list, and I deny myself the possibility for true rest, full bodied reflection, some form of creation, and so on when I allow my present self to dwell on the fixation of what has yet to come.
If you actually sit with your present (me to me), then you actually find space to enjoy. If you are only thinking about where you literally are right now, then maybe, just maybe, you can say with full confidence that where you are right now is enough. That you are more than enough. That you’re actually where you want to be. And if in this present moment you’re not where you want to be, you can make steps to change that — but don’t confuse not being where you are in the present with projecting your vision for your future self onto where you are right now and becoming dissatisfied with the present based on that judgement. Did that make sense? I ask as I seek your validation that what I’m saying is grounded in some thought that is legible and enough for you to receive, reflect on, and consider as something that potentially holds truth. Did that make sense? I take that question and raise you another, does it matter? If where I am right now is enough, and this is what I feel like is enough for me to say, does it matter if there is sense to be perceived here?
Can where you are, right now, be enough? Can the you that exists in your present be all that you need to be?
(It’s really hard sometimes to end these posts with a sentence rather than a question, since as I’ve mentioned before I feel that I’m really good at coming up with probing and reflective questions, but in this blog space where I feel like I’m supposed to end on an answer I find myself drawing a blank. Maybe that’s why posts sit in my drafts for weeks, months, years, because I struggle to end on a “message that I think you’ll want to here”. If you made it this far, I hope you’ve found the space to consider something, and maybe take some of these questions from my brain dump and include them in yours.)
I’ll answer for you, and answer for myself so that I can end this post and throw it on Facebook so I can go pick up my laundry, with a shaky yes. I’ll say it again and build more confidence and say yes. I’ll say it louder this time, and hope you can hear me shouting from where I sit, that yes. Yes, yes, and yes. And as I write to myself in my personal journal often when there is a statement or truth that I have yet to fully embody and believe, where you are right now is absolutely and always enough. Repeat that as many times as you need until you hear it, feel it, believe it, and move through this present moment as if you’ve always known it to be true.